Valentine's Day Isn't Just On Feb 14th

Valentine's Day isn't just on February 14th.

I know I'm a little late with this, but maybe it will have more impact now, then it would a month ago.

I long held the belief that Valentine's Day was just a way for the greeting card, chocolate producing and flower picking companies to get their balance sheets in the black. A way to guilt people into buying stereotypical presents for their significant (and maybe not so significant, but hot, want-to-sleep-with) others. For years, I raged against the conventional wisdom. My argument? Why should just one day be set aside to show your partner that you love them? You should be doing the romantic thing throughout the year. Not some all or nothing play in the dead of winter. If you get it right, all is well in the (romantic) world. If not, damnation from your partner for the next six months, where the start of every conversation had the potential to degenerate into accusatory tones and reminders because of a miscue during that fateful romantic day. Or worse, the passive aggressive behaviour that ensues. Nope. I would be the contrarian. I would show my partner that I'm different. Valentine's Day is for the herds of sheep to the commercialization slaughter.

I'm a hypocrite.

Yes, I too fell into the trap. Don't get me wrong. I DO show my partner that I love them throughout the year -- little love notes, the buying of their favourite goodie or flowers for no particular reason other than to show them they're the one I'm thinking of -- but, I also bought heart-shaped chocolates, those hot cinnamon candies, and not just one, but two Valentine's Day cards! Why did I do it? Maybe it was because you can only get those cutesy heart-shaped goodies during this time of year. Or could it be that I wanted to support the money-making machine? (I could have waited until after Valentine's Day and gotten these items cheaper, but that would just be tacky) What if I was trying to 'keep up with the Jones'? No, I think it's because I love my partner and I wanted to show them I do. Not just by kissing, or making love to them (something we do often, but is no less special each time we do it), but with a materialistic trinket that could be eaten in one glorious gulp, or displayed with pride on the mantelpiece.

Did I want something in return? I thought I didn't, but during that fateful morning on the fourteenth day of the second month of the year, I came to a realization. While still lying in bed, I presented my partner with their second card (the first having being presented on the Saturday night before, when they least expected it). As my partner read and appreciated the card they received, I kept waiting and waiting to receive mine, to no avail. I dutifully got out of bed, completed my morning routine and went off to work as usual. All day I considered the emptiness I felt at not receiving a card...anything that showed me they loved me. That evening, I returned home to an empty house, because my partner had another engagement that night. As I went into the bedroom, there it was! Sitting, propped on the pillow, a card! I opened it with glee. Savouring every printed word and graphic line. As I read the hand written note, my heart melted and emotion welled up in me. A tear almost came to my eye. Yes, I too had become one of the sheep. BUT, something more than just one of the heard, I say. Because I will still show my partner that I love them throughout the year, just as I had previously vowed. Indeed EVERY day is Valentine's Day! I later found out that my partner had chosen this particular card months previous, which had significance because of an ongoing banter between us. Yes, I was...no, AM in love.

So my friends, whether this is a snub at the money grubbing chocolatiers and greeting card makers, or just some helpful hints to those that want their romantic relationships to be that much more special, I give to you Wings Over The World's Tips to Lovers (no guarantee of results are implied):

For Women:

1. If your man is watching his favourite sport or show on TV, don't interrupt unless it's during a commercial and you finish talking by the time the commercials are finished. They don't mind if you talk to them, but your time is more flexible than the game or show they're watching.

2. Yes, sometimes men tune out when you're talking at length about something. Don't get mad, they're just not conditioned to listening to long dissertations about the latest Hollywood gossip, what the latest spring fashion is, or what friend A did to friend B. If the conversation isn't about one of their favourite subjects, be it sports, cars, or themselves, chances are they're going to zone out once in awhile.

3. Give HIM something that he'll appreciate. Not necessarily a cute stuffed animal, or a tie. And it doesn't have to be expensive either. Even if you just pay for dinner once in awhile, he'll appreciate it, unless he's old school and insists on paying when you go out. In that case, you'll have to find something else that will show him you care.

4. Dress up when you greet him at the door. You don't have to be in an evening gown, but something that shows off your curves. Maybe even a tight pair of jeans, a revealing top and high heels. Bonus points when he finds out you're wearing sexy underwear underneath after he throws you on the bed for a little early evening loving.

5. Make him his favourite dinner and serve it to him. You don't have to do this all the time, but when you do, he'll appreciate it. Bonus points if this leads to sex (also see Tip #4).

6. If your man is into sports and you're not, learn a few of the basics of his favourite one and get him talking about it. Watch the occasional game with him. If it's one you can participate in with him, do so. It's a way for the two of you to bond on his terms.

7. Give him what I call a Thai massage. Dress in something skimpy and tight, and give him a "full body" rub down. But be prepared, this DOES lead to sex! Bonus points for wearing high heels and doing a little bit of role playing.

8. If he takes lunch from home with him to work, prepare it for him. Maybe even spice it up with something that he doesn't normally take, but likes to eat. (also, don't forget Tip #10)

9. If you make plans to have lunch or dinner together, surprise him with a side trip to the local motel for some intense lovin'. Better yet, treat him to a night of debauchery at a swanky hotel. This might include morning room service to regain your strength. You won't be able to wipe that smile off your face when you see him in a blissful daze and with a wobble in his walk.

10. Leave him little love notes. By e-mail or little paper ones. Just to show him you're thinking about him.

For Men:

1. Getting your woman flowers is not just for special occasions or when you're in the doghouse. Buy her some just because. She'll appreciate them more when she doesn't expect them.

2. Don't be afraid to show affection in public (kissing, holding hands). So what if people are watching. You'll be making them jealous and your woman will appreciate that you're willing to show the world that you love them.

3. If your partner is talking about something, anything, try to concentrate on the conversation and not about how you're going to 'do' her. There's a time and place for that. Sometimes she just wants you to listen to her. How about it? Besides, you'll get bonus points for listening to her in the middle of a crucial football game.

4. If you can't afford, or don't have the energy to go out dancing, or to a nice restaurant, go for a walk, stop in at the local ice cream shop and buy her a cone of her favourite ice cream. You don't have to spend a lot of money. She just wants you to be with, and pay attention to, her.

5. When you go out for that walk, talk to her about the things she's interested in. Listen to what she has to say. Ask questions. Get involved in her interests. Actually, this tip can be applied any time, but doing it when there are no other distractions will allow you to focus.

6. Prepare her favourite dinner and serve it to her. You don't have to be a great cook. She'll appreciate the effort, as well as the pampering. Zero points for cheating and buying it already prepared. Make it from scratch, lazy bones! (also see Tip #8)

7. Massage her. It doesn't have to lead to sex. Sometimes she just wants her back or feet rubbed and have a few relaxing moments afterward. After your finished, if she's feeling relaxed and wants some quiet, let her have it and go into another room. But if you're going to watch TV or listen to music, keep it down.

8. Greet her at the door in an outfit she likes to see you wear. It doesn't have to be your best suit. Sometimes, a tight pair of jeans will do it. By the way, they may not admit it, but they DO like to look at guys' butts.

9. Buy her little things that mean something to her. Whether it's her favourite chocolate bar, a cute key chain, or the book she's been meaning to read. Giving her those unexpected little things endear you more and more to her because it shows you're always thinking of her.

10. Give her little love notes. With the advent of e-mails, it takes just a minute to whip something up and press 'send'. You don't have to be Cyrano de Bergerac. Just a few words expressing how you feel, even if it's just "kiss kiss". Of course, the adventurous might try their hand at writing a short poem and leaving it in a place where she'll find it when she's at work. She'll melt right in the office...guaranteed!


It doesn't end there. These were just a few suggestions to get you started. Be creative. Get to know your partner better, so that you can romance them all the better. Maybe if every couple made the effort throughout the year, there would be less marital strife and fewer divorces. Hey, we may even put Dr. Phil out of business. Wouldn't that be great!

If this has helped you, I'm glad to have made a difference in you and your partner's lives. If not, I hope that you will find your way because knowing the pure love of someone is better than any material possession you could hope to have.

Wings Over The World